Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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