When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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