What did we do last night that was yellow?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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