she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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