another moral hangover. fuck.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
