take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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