My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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