Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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