He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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