the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
