My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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