You made me cry and you don't even care
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
