Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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