well you can't waste a boner
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
