Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
