I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She told me I should be a condom model.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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