He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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