how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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