i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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