On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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