can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
they're like a gay fantastic four
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize