Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
