I wanna passion pit in your ass
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
