last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
