my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize