If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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