What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
