it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
