i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
