Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i out mim tonsoeep
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