I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
