Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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