and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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