dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
