We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
