all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
