i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
