The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
