fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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