Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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