My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
