this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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