Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
