Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
