i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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