it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
