those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
