if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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