I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
