There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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