the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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