I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
