why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
