I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
