There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize