I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
