We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
