Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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