She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
