What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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