you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
