chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
