Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
