Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
