seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
