Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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