when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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